By Chris Prickett —I don’t want to brag, but I was quite the prodigy when I first entered the working world. Right from the start I displayed what could only be described as “artistic incompetence” when it came to holding a job. It’s a shame Nike wasn’t giving out shoe deals back then or I’d surely be a household name.
My first performance may have been my best. At just 17, while working at a Chevy dealership, I masterfully crashed a brand new custom van into the side of a newly purchased Malibu whose proud owner was just driving off the lot. Did I mention I was doing about 30 mph in reverse? Bravo!
Staying on the theme of wrecking vans, I tried to pass an 18-wheeler while I was delivering flowers on Valentine’s Day back in 1982. The truck happened to be making a left at the time of my passing which, ironically, almost turned out to be my passing. Even more ironic (and I guess, economic) is that had I met my maker at the time, I’d have been delivering my own funeral floral arrangement.
An all-time classic was the time I destroyed the tile showroom.
While this was yet another delivery job, it didn’t involve a vehicle. Half the tile warehouse had been converted into a showroom and one of the very large garage doors had been blocked so you could lift it only about 5 feet. I didn’t get the memo and physically forced the door all the way open, which caused a fabulous catastrophic chain reaction when the door snapped the wires holding up the suspended ceiling in the showroom.
In a scene that would have made Moe, Larry and Curly tingle with pride, dozens of customers and employees came scrambling out of the building, thinking it was an earthquake.
Time and the statute of limitations heal all wounds, I guess. I just hope this doesn’t get published in San Diego or New Jersey.
Over the Prickett Fence is a column in In&Out Magazine.